Wedding invites...what's the cut-off?

My fiance and I are planning the wedding and we both have large families. Not only is he close with his cousins, but he's also close with his cousins kids who are a little closer to our age than his cousins. Anyways, we had to cut-off the guest list somewhere, so we said anyone 21+ can bring a date. Well, some of his second cousins who are 17, 18 etc are making a fuss about it and they're even getting their parents (my fiance's first cousins) to ask us if they can bring someone anyway. We are going to stick to our guns and say 21+ can bring dates, but do you think we are being unreasonable? Some of my actual FIRST cousins on my side of the family are 18,19 and they aren't even allowed to bring dates, so why should we make exceptions for his SECOND cousins!?


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I like the 21+ rule for dates. Honestly, how serious can a couple be at 18 years old? Most 18 year olds do not have a steady boyfriend or girlfriend. When you're in your 20's, it's a bit more reasonable to be in a serious relationship and have extended family members acknowledge it.

Honestly, you have to cut the guest list somewhere and I say you did the right thing. Stick to your rule, it's a good one. It's also fair.

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Let them know where your coming from. that you only have so much space and that if you broke this rule for them you would have to let everyone break it. if they are reasonable they will back down. you should let your fiance do the talking with them though since they are his family, be a presence when he does it. but let him do most of the talking. good luck!!

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Your wedding - your rules.

Just explain to them you aren't trying to snub them but can't afford to have everyone at the wedding. Make sure his side knows your side is following the same rules. If they're still unhappy - tough!

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I also think that you are doing the right thing. We are saying no to dates unless you are living with them, engaged or dating them for longer than a year (sounds complicated, but that pretty much rules out all of my friends with their week long dates). Stick with your rule because when they are in your wedding pictures 20 years later and your 18 year old cousin can't even remember their name you would be sad. Stick with your gut feeling and keep that rule. Also the money that each additional head cost means that you could be sacrificing something in the future for you and your husband and it isn't worth it. Its your day and if you guys aren't important enough for them to want to come just to be in your happiness then maybe they need to rethink some stuff.

Hope this helps. I think you are doing the right thing. Don't go into debt or more debt trying to keep other happy.

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you are doing good! and its like you said... gotta stick to your guns! its already a hard situation for you to cut the list down and you cant make exceptions to some and not to the rest. the 21+ rule is a really good idea. remember this is an intimate deal, not social so if you feel that that is they way to keep order, then stick to it! and about inviting his second cousins, make sure that they are very close before you throw them off the list. if they hang out, call each other often then you need to make an exception but if hes inviting second cousins that he hasnt spoken to like in 2..3..4..5 yrs not even during their birthdays then definitely consider them off the list that goes the same for both of you. you both need to be fair. another way to keep order is to specify at the bottom of the invitation by putting : PARTY OF ___ and enter a number on the blank so you wont have unexpected and uninvited people showing up. thats what im doing with my invitations, i think that will help alot too! congratulations on your wedding! ♥

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bring everyone...(u better not forget my invitation) festive occasions are only festive with lots and lots of people. the more the merrier thats what they always say. but becareful of wedding crashers haha.

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The right way to plan the cut-off, is to decide how many people you can invite, divide the number in two, and each of you list your friends and relatives starting with the closest and going toward the more distant, until you reach the maximum number, and cut it off there.

If the people you invite have a spouse or a fiance, you invite the spouse or fiance as well, by name. If you know someone has a particularly intimate friend and want to invite their friend, you contact them and find out the friend's name and address, and invite the friend by name. But you NEVER put "and guest".

There are two reasons for this: first, that everyone who comes under the roof of your reception hall is YOUR guest, and deserves equal courtesy from you. To be invited by name and treated as an individual is basic courtesy. No-one should ever be treated as someone else's accessory, a sort of second-class guest who would be dis-invited if the primary guest couldn't come.

The second reason is that all your other guests have a right to your personal guarantee as to the respectability of the people you will meet at the wedding. You may not know that the person Aunt Lizzie is dating this month is a pedophile, or that Cousin Joey's girlfriend boosts cars for a living -- and if you put down "and guest" on Lizzie's and Joey's invitations, you risk exposing your 17-year-old cousins to such unsavoury characters.

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I have a huge family as well and am close to all of my cousins and their children as well. The way I am solving it is: Our wedding is in July. If they have a significant other who is serious enough to bring to Christmas, I will invite them. If they don't bring them to Christmas I will not invite them.

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