Asking for cash as a wedding present?

Hello all! I'd really appreciate your thoughts on this as recently I have been inundated with wedding invitations from various people all of which are requesting cash as gifts ( usually in the form of some bizarre little poem).
Personally I feel this is a really rude and tacky thing to do. It brings up problems of how much money you should give . I would be embarrassed if I don't make large enough a contribution compared to other people and I would much prefer to give a gift as nobody would know how much it cost.
I've been getting so irritated by all this that I've been tempted to send the offending culprits a letter from my son regarding Christmas ;-)

Dear (insert name here)
For Christmas this year
I'm not asking from greed
I have so many toys
there's no more that I need
I do not want duplicates
as they make no sense
so please give to me
all your pounds and pence!
I've made up this rhyme which is a bit wacky
in the hope that my request
doesn't sound quite so tacky!

I'd love to hear others opinions on this.
Thank you!


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It shouldn't matter how much you give them, they should appreciate it! or take them aside and explain that you already had something in mind and you would still like to get it for them, if they don't agree or get peed then they are not worth bothering about!

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But you can see why couples ask for money can't you? Weddings are expensive and they really don't need 5 or 6 blenders...
How much you give them depends on how well you know the couple, and how much you can afford.

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we live in an age where we live together before marriage, and as a result we already own most of what we need prior to becoming married, it is now common place to ask guests to drop cash in an envelope and drop it into the wishing well at the reception so that we may use this money to purchase items of necessity for our home, put what ever you feel is the right amount in a plain white envelope and seal it, dont mark it and drop it in, seperately purchase a card and sign it and in tiny ps say something like please put this gift towards the purchase of something you need, I generally suggest the amount to be equal to the average cost of the meal for the invited guest/s, so if it is about 25.00 per head for the meal, I would think that 50.00 would be about right.

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why not ...

don't accept the invitation to the wedding! :)

hmmmm...this way... the greedy bride gets nothing...
well except a husband who is just as greedy.

So there you have it...don't go, don't pay to go, send them a card and wish them good luck. if they ask you in the future why you couldn't make it, you were out of town...if they ask, which they may, why didn't you send us a present of money...tell them you think it's tacky.

Too bad, they would have gotten money anyway without asking. Unreal is all I can say about asking for money....boy are they in for a surprise because I'm sure a lot of people feel it'll be tacky too and who knows, will attend the wedding, but give them a gift instead. hey...there's a thought, give them a gift that you think they could use. How can they say no, or give it back, put a gift receipt inside so they can return it for money. Find something on sale real cheap! :)

i've only gotten invitation sorta like that...."hey my daughter, your niece is turning 16...wouldn't it nice if she received a card from everyone wishing her a happy birthday!" no kidding. from her dad. looking for money. So I sent her a nice card, no money. heck, they never sent my kids a card, so ... there you have it.

anyway...wedding...I guess it would depend upon how close these friends are of yours, relatives... well..wish you luck there!

Why not ask others who are invited to these same functions and see what they have to say? Possibly get a group of friends together and you all chip in $20 and a card....

tacky, tacky, tacky...I guess is all I can say. Good luck.

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I think it's fine for them to ask for money if that's what they want because I would rather give them the cash than buy them something that they will never use or don't want. There is too much waste in this world. I normally find out where they are honeymooning and get some cash changed into the local currency.

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You are absolutely right: it is in the absolute worst possible taste for an adult to tell another adult what to give him or her as a gift. (Kids can get away with it because generally adults don't know what to buy them.) The only exception is that you can tell another person what not to get you if the reason is your health or safety, since safety trumps etiquette. For example, if you are allergic to perfumes, you can ask to not be given scented products.

However, I think that poem is too sincere and not sarcastic enough to get the point across. If I received that, I would have no idea I was being rebuked or mocked: I'd think you were asking me for a cash gift. How about:

When I read your gift requests
I want to dance the shimmy.
The song I hear is clear and loud,
It's gimme, gimme, gimme.

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It's funny, but I doubt it would do much good.

My suggestion is that you simply ignore anything in the invitation except what is supposed to be there: The time, date, and place of the wedding, and the required form of dress, as well as anything relevant to heath and safety, or religious requirements. Anything else, just forget you saw it.

(And regarding the idea that safety trumps etiquette: A better way to phrase that is that etiquette always takes safety into account. So you can certainly inform your guests that you're allergic to perfume, without making explicit reference to gifts.)

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I wouldn't. A bride who is gauche enough to ask for cash in her own wedding invitation is also to crass to recognize a lampoon. She's likely to think the letter is sincere, and complain to all her friends about how "tacky" you are to send your son's Christmas request with your R.s.v.p. using the stamp she "paid" for.

But you are quite right: something needs to be said. If all the refined people simply say nothing, then the boors are the only ones being heard, and this kind of selfish greed will seem to be the norm. And you've inspired me! The next such invitation I get, I'm going to respond:

====================
Dear Jenny,

I got your invitation, and your request for cash. Thank-you for trusting me with this personal knowledge about your financial situation! It must be so embarrassing for you! Of course, I understand perfectly. Although I don't have any spare cash right now to help you out, I do want to do what I can! I wouldn't dream of putting you to the expense of feeding me and entertaining me on your wedding day. But, I do admire you for wanting to keep up appearances! So, I'll just come to your ceremony, and then plead a headache and go home: you needn't include me in your count to the caterer, dear, and no-one needs to know why. It isn't much, I know, but every little bit helps when you're in a financial bind, doesn't it? And you know, you and Mike are always welcome to drop in around dinner time -- you know you need never go hungry, even if money gets really tight for you! So sorry to hear about your money troubles, and congratulations on your upcoming wedding!

Regards,
Aspasia
=================

Then, whenever I speak to family about the wedding if the subject of gifts comes up, I'll drop my voice and say "Oh, they told you too? Isn't it sad? Those poor kids, to be starting life together with a financial crisis! Oh, times are hard, .... but, then, it may be the making of them."

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I love it. You made my day. Can I steal that? Girl, you need to work for Hallmark.

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