Why do parents get upset at the choices of their grown adult children when they are planning a wedding?

To the point where they come across as more immature than the children and say "our son/daughter doesn't love us or else they would choose what we want instead!" etc. They already got married and in most cases, the mother planned the whole thing because that's how things were done back then, but that isn't true anymore. If someone is already married, then they don't get a say unless they are paying. If the couple doesn't like that, then they need to figure out a way to finance the wedding themselves, in which case, it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks since it is their day, not someone else's.
TC, my parents aren't in the picture, and thankfully the ILs have been great about letting us make our own decisions. I'm simply curious from the countless posts you see here at Y!A where the couple is going "our parents are taking over but we're paying" meanwhile parents are saying "our children are making a huge mistake because this is not what we would have chosen for them". Leads you to wonder whose wedding it really is.


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i never understood that. my mother in law was pushing her nosey ass into every decision we made. it was really stressful. i didn't know it but when i was planning my wedding i was pregnant. i kept snapping at her right and left. our issues didn't get any better once my little one arrived.

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Sounds like the parents are very controlling. Simply reassure them that the wedding will be great but that the decisions made are up to the bride and groom only and solely.

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Do you have children? Do you like to guide them into making the right decisions? Do you sometimes realize that a decision they're making might be something they'll regret later?

I think our society has this idea that if our children are grown, then as parents we can't advise them or we seem to be immature or over bearing. I'm not a parent, but I have parents. They are very important to me and even at the age of 25, I still want to please them. I guess I'm closer to my parents, then other people. But, I've always hated disappointing my parents. They worked so hard to make me the lovely young woman I am today. I'm not engaged, but when I get married, I'll take their suggestions. They're my parents and just because I'm 25, that doesn't mean they still don't have a right to parent me and give their advice.

I'll always want that from them, their advice My mom is the one person in my life that can say anything to me, about anything and I know I'm getting a 100% honest opinion. We don't always agree and sometimes I just have to say, "No mom, I'm not doing that."

But, in cases like that, I do what's best for me. Yes, she'll probably get upset. But, she's my mom and she'll get over it. I'll always listen to the advice, but it doesn't mean I'll take it. I also don't get upset, when she gets upset. Therefore, I say, "Thanks for the tip, mom. But, I'm going to do this instead" Yes, many times she gets upset, but I just stay respectful and move on.

I think lots of brides are at more fault, than their parents. Most people whine at the fact that their parents are giving them advice or what something done that they like. It seems so stupid. It's your parents, they've been giving you advice since birth and will always give advice. So, why are you acting like they asked you to commit murder?

I often wonder about people's relationships with their parents? Haven't you been getting advice from your parents your whole life? So, why is getting and taking advice about your wedding any different?

I think most brides just need to "get over themselves" and this whole idea that it's "their day"

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haha im going through that now..my fiances mother saw a reception that cost $40000 (just for the food and the reception hall) and basically said i was a bitch because i cant afford to give her son that kind of wedding!!!

But you are right..if they arent paying they need to mind thier own buisness. No matter what you do someone will always be unhappy with what you decide to do

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Yeah, My future MIL is always asking to help do things and my future sister in laws and when I ask them to do something they put it off until it's 2 weeks past when they said they do it and I end up doing it myself and my fiance gets mad. It's so frustrating.

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....because they are parents! That does not always mean they are right, but it does mean they care. Don't stress out and please don't alienate them either. It will work out! Hang in there.

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I am currently in the planning scheme of things right now and thankfully everything is going well with the parents. But I believe when parents do act like this it's for the same reason brides become 'bridezillas'! As brides we hate for anything to go wrong or not our way because we've been planning our weddings from the first time we saw ariel in that cartoon gown drifting into the distance with her prince. But as I am slowly learning, our parents have been planning and preparing just as long. It's not just Bride's that have been dreaming of this day for so long but also the loving parents who want to make sure their daughter has everything they believe she deserves, ha!, even if the bride doesn't want it!

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Our parents should know what it was like when they planned their weddings and our grandparents took over their choices for their children's wedding. I quite frankly think it's NONE of our parents business how we plan our wedding, who we invite, and should keep their opinions to themselves (unless they are asked for their opinions).

Money given to children for their wedding shouldn't have strings on it, but unfortunately most of the time it is. Parents who don't financially contribute for their children's wedding have NO right to dictate or tell anyone what to do for their period. End of discussion is what I say.

My mother tried to get me to invite a cousin and her nasty daughter to my wedding. I told my mother I can't stand her or her stupid daughter,a nd I am NOT inviting her period. She said it's family.... I'm like NOPE. It's MY money, MY wedding, MY decision. End of discussion. That's all you should be saying.

good luck. :)

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Not everyone has appropriate boundaries. In some cases the bride's mother or MIL is over-controlling, while in other cases, the brides are being immature bridezillas.

There are times when it's appropriate for mothers to speak up. Say you had a daughter who as bride insisted on having a cash bar or who wanted to put her bridal registry information in the wedding invitation. Wouldn't you feel obligated to say something?

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