Why Exclude The MIL With Wedding Preparations?

I honestly don't get it. Sure, A FMIL can be difficult but I read so many questions posed by brides who seem to go out of their way to exclude the mother of their fiance...mostly when it comes to wedding gown shopping.....

I was a first time bride back in 1974...sure, my ex MIL and I had some differences but I never thought of excluding her from the bridal preparations,or treating her rudely never entered my mind, in fact she came to my first fitting and both my mother & ex MIL went dress shopping for themselves together with me...

Besides, my own mother would have killed me if I behaved that way.

These gals cite differences with the MIL as the reason why, or how close they are to their own mothers so wedding stuff is a mother/daughter thing only, how dare the MIL 'intrude'...you'd think just for the sake of making the relationship better, especially if it's a rocky one, they'd at least include the MIL but all they seem to do is look for reasons not to....almost as if they thrive on the drama or look for reasons to exclude their fellow's mother....or forget that if not for the MIL, there would be no groom, lol...wow, am I that old fashioned that extending olive branches or trying to establish some sort of civil relationship with a MIL is so out of date? Where has good manners and civility gone? I would love for MIL's & MOB's to answer this.....
..and so there is no misunderstanding here, if any one of my three daughters pulled the kinda stuff I read about here on their FMIL they'd have to answer to me as they were NOT raised that way....comments?
as far as the overbearing comment, I'm rather laid back...I would voice my opinion if I felt any one of my daughters were being rude or unreasonable...and that is just being a good mother....heck I'm 55 and MY Mother still tells me if she feels I'm being unreasonable...nothing wrong with that....
I am asking for honest opinons here, not for any one to agree or disagree so shame on all you thumbs downers.....
Jaded.....if you can hear me, I'm applauding your answer.........
hey Ms X...you remembered lol...
..had to change the 'name' after I joined the Red Hat Society....needed something with pi-zazz!
I also have a son and I fully plan on supporting his gal in whatever she wishes for her Big Day......


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You should stop being so overbearing.

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The modern wedding has become all about "ME" for a lot of brides.
I think it is just pure ignorance on their behalf.

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I understand what you're saying here. I feel it's sad too. I have made a point to ask my FMIL if she would come with me for my first fitting next month, and then go to lunch afterwards. (just the two of us.) I could hear the happiness in her voice. It made me smile.

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Hmmm. I tried being civil with my FMIL but she's flat out a bitch, and I don't want her to have any part in my wedding...I want it to be a fun time, not a hassle.Besides my mother is my best friend, and I want HER there, not some women that hates me for "stealing her baby",and "No women will ever be good enough for him".

You have to look at the situation. Not all of these mothers are mean, just as much as they torture their futrue Daughter in laws. I TRIED very hard to have a good, at least civil relationship with my FMIL. Because of the way she acts ad treats me (and now my fiance because he told her he was sick of watching her treat me like crap...not my doing) I don't want her to have any say in our wedding.

And my mother wants her to bug off too. :)

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I just recently got married and I included my MIL in everything I could. However, had I known the drama that entailed including her in it all, I don't think I would have done it. I wasn't raised to be rude either, however his family did nothing but critisize and ridicule what I wanted. They all told me that it would be white trash to have a brownie cake instead of a real cake, but neither my husband nor I like cake. They refused to let me have a small intimate ceremony because everybody and their brother HAD to be invited to the wedding when I was raised that modesty is the way to handle things. It was as if his family wanted us to live outside our means and weren't planning on helping financially at all. I wish I had known though how they would have reacted to it all and I would have agreed with him in eloping in Vegas. Instead, I thought of how his family would feel and took them into consideration and now regret it.

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Well, I tried to be polite and include the MIL (now ex-MIL). Invited her to the bridal shop before wedding to see the gown. She then said that she did not like it and said that my veil did not match my gown. Right . . . the veil was made to match this gown. The lace matched perfectly.

The point is that some MIL's are not trying to be civil and polite. I won't go into some of the other stuff she pulled . . .

Let's just say that the politeness and the civility need to go both ways . . . and leave it at that.

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Personally, my MIL is 600 miles away, so including her in things like dress shopping is pretty much impossible. We did ask for her opinion on things like flowers, and she pretty much said she didn't care, as long as we didn't make her corsage out of carnations. The fact that she would think I would use carnations for my wedding really made me question what she thought of me. When you get that kind of response, it doesn't exactly make you feel warm and fuzzy about asking for her opinion on other things.

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I think that it is hard to tell from the info given here about FMILs. Honestly, there was one uncle that I was afraid was going to make a scene at my wedding and he did, though, thankfully, most people didn't see and he left early.

If I had a choice to do it again, well, I might not have invited him. Although most everyone had a good time, and overall, my wedding day was a success and a great time, I cried on my wedding night because of him. If I had a FMIL like that, I might exclude her, too.

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I know! and it's almost the same with step parents, one step parent didn't even get to be in a picture with her step son that she helped raise for 20 years, all because they weren't biological...

I have my mom, my future mil, and a future step mil. my stmil and mil have treated me like family and been nice to me, plus their son is getting married and if they want a part of it, I don't mind. BUT I'm not letting anybody take over our plans, but they might have cool ideas or want to get a decoration, or just be filled in on everything, so I don't see why it would hurt to treat someone with respect and courtesy...

Every situation's different, but if they're nice to you, then be nice back, because a little kindness goes a LOONG way.

The only way I wouldn't include them is if they were evil, like trying to break us up, or starting fights, not being supportive of our wedding...

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